Life is Beautiful

Hi, I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. My Thanksgiving went a lot better than I had anticipated. I didn't act on any urges and I stayed calm throughout the day, using my skills. The hardest part for me about Thanksgiving this year was the dress I was wearing. It was kind of a tight fitting dress, and I felt extremely body conscious the whole time I was wearing it. I used a lot of distraction and wise mind to get through it. I also kept telling my anorexia to shut up when it tried to call me names. Overall though, it went well, and I had a great time with my family. I have a lot to be thankful for this year. 

I have had a really exciting week. I heard back from my dream school, High Point University on Monday. I was so nervous on Sunday and had a very hard time sleeping knowing that I was going to find out whether or not I got in. Just as Monday was drawing to a close, I was wondering as to why I hadn't gotten any news yet. I expected the worst, until my mom called me downstairs and showed me the acceptance email. My heart skipped a beat, and I teared up a little. I was and am still over the moon about the acceptance. I went to visit it last December and knew from the minute I walked onto the campus, that this is where I was meant to go. I didn't want to go anywhere else, and I didn't apply anywhere else. I got my actual letter on Friday night, and found out that I had gotten a $20,000 scholarship also. I could not believe it, and I am so grateful and happy for it.

After 5 inpatients, 1 residential treatment center and a partial program all within the past 9 months, I never would have thought that I would be going to college. To be honest, I didn't picture myself being alive for college. I remember the night I attempted suicide, when I wrote my suicide letter. As tears flowed through my eyes, I couldn't imagine that I would be sitting here today alive and happier than ever. 

People used to always tell me something which I never believed. They would tell me that things would get better.  I would look around in my most depressed days and see happy people, enjoying their lives. I wanted what they had. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to know that things would be okay. But when people told me that statement, I just didn't believe them. “How do you know things will get better, when I’ve had such a traumatic past?” I would ask, and yet they still told me that it does get better. I haven't believed them until now. And to all of you out there who are struggling, IT DOES GET BETTER. It’s okay if you don't believe me, but you should at least give the idea of things getting better, a chance. One of my favorite songs is “Invisible” by Hunter Hayes. I can really connect with some of the lyrics in my own way. Here are some words from the song that have spoken truth to me:

“Hear me out, there's so much more to life than what you're feeling now

Yeah, someday you'll look back on all these days and all this pain is gonna be invisible”

There is a lot more to life than what you are feeling now, just stick around to find it out, because life is beautiful.

Stay Strong