Eulogies Celebrating Isabel's Life

Eulogies Celebrating Isabel's Life, October 8, 2016

By Susan Carroll Whitcomb, Isabel's mother

My beautiful daughter, Isabel, is gone from our daily lives. I now have two holes in my heart,the first one from losing Isabel’s father, Giles, 13 years ago and now, a new one.

Isabel was such a gifted writer that my own words feel inadequate.

My daughter lost her life as a result of a serious, life-threatening illness. Depression is like cancer, heart disease, diabetes and so many other serious illnesses. Like these diseases, depression can all too frequently kill those who have it. But there is one big difference. No shame is attached to these other illnesses. Depression is stigmatized in our society. Isabel wanted to overcome the stigma surrounding mental illness. Last December, she wrote “Depression is a terrible disease and seems relentless. A lot of us have been close to that edge, or dealt with family members in a crisis, and some have lost friends and loved ones. Let's look out for each other and stop sweeping mental illness under the rug.”

Isabel found her passion in her desire to help others. Now she is gone and although we are in horrible pain, I thank God that she is at peace and looking down on all of us with her Dad beside her. I thank God that we have many memories from her happier days, and that we have the book she wrote along with her poetry and art. While much of these writings chronicle her struggles and pain, her words are profound and wise far beyond the years of her short life.

Today and going forward, I feel compelled to carry on with what Isabel planned to do with her life:  she wanted to speak out about the realities of depression and eating disorders and make a difference in people’s lives. She wanted to educate society and help change how we look at those who are mentally ill. Since she started writing her blog almost one year ago, she received many emails and texts from friends and strangers. I knew about some of these but I have been overwhelmed over the past few days as I have discovered so many more. Here are a few words from one person:  “Isabel, I've been reading your blog ever since your mother shared it on her Facebook wall. I cannot possibly measure how much it has helped me and how much it has changed the way I deal with difficulties of any kind in life. I particularly love your post about dialectical behavior therapy skills. Opposite action, radical acceptance and self-soothing became my new best friends. I lost count of how many times I read that post. I even googled DBT, looking for more skills! That blog entry made me stronger and more in control of my life. I figured I can't possibly predict or change what life will bring, but I can control how I'll deal with it.”

As I move forward with my promise to take over Isabel’s mission – to work to improve services for adolescent psychiatric patients, to educate medical personnel about sensitivities towards those suffering from eating disorders, and to reduce the shame surrounding mental illness, I want to ask you to join me. You can take on Isabel’s mission too, even in very small ways. Please:  if you are struggling, reach out to a friend and ask for help; if you suspect that a friend is struggling, take her hand and be there; educate yourself about depression; change the way you think and speak about the mentally ill; and most of all, let’s be kind to each other.

Isabel wanted to make a difference in this world. I profoundly wish that a glimmer of light had appeared in her final moments of darkness. But together, we are going to carry on her plans.

Finally, two words from Isabel:  Stay Strong.

By Philip Whitcomb, Isabel's brother

On this day, while remembering the beautiful life of my sister Isabel, it’s so hard not to feel sadness and emptiness.  There is a hole in my heart that can never be filled.   There are so many happy memories that trigger sad feelings, and photographs capturing joyful moments that bring tears to my eyes.  Isabel was so uniquely beautiful on the inside and outside that no combination of words could ever do her life justice.  Isabel is no longer physically with us, but her spirit, strength, and passion will be embedded in our lives forever.

Growing up, there was a bond that Isabel and I shared that I can’t quite describe.  We used to joke that we were twins, since we had similar facial features and we found a lot of the same weird things funny.  However, when Isabel smiled, she definitely had way bigger dimples than I do.

The week before Isabel’s death, I had the pleasure of hosting her at my house in Blacksburg, Virginia at Virginia Tech where I’m a student.  The more time I spent with her that week, the more I felt a lot of the little worries in my life start to disappear, and I felt myself being able to see more clearly the things that are actually important in life.  She really had this courageous energy that she was unknowingly sharing with me while I was around her.

I was enjoying my time with Isabel so much that week that I remember waking up some mornings with pure excitement because I was about to spend the next few hours with her.   

I remember sitting down to eat lunch with Isabel in a dining hall, and my intentions were to see if I could help her with any of her ideas and projects and to maybe give her some motivational advice on goal setting.

But after lunch, I was the one who had been positively motivated.  Isabel told me all about her goals whether they were to create a “Stay Strong” temporary tattoo that she would sell and donate the profits of, to speak out to others about mental illness, to write an awesome second book, to start her own To Write Love On Her Arms chapter, or to positively impact people of all kinds.

  

Her ability to work towards her passions while she was going through this severe depression is something that truly amazes me.  That week with Isabel, the week before she passed away, I found myself living with more determination and enjoyment than before.  Just her being there with me had led me to new perceptions of my goals, and a stronger attitude when it comes to fighting through very difficult times.

Isabel wanted to one day become a motivational speaker.  There’s no doubt that she has already provided true motivation to so many people through her writing and her willpower to move forward.  Hearing about the lives of the amazing and strong people that she touched in her short life, I know that she would have risen above and beyond her goals to really make a difference and change the world in a meaningful way.

But the determination that I felt just last week during my time with Isabel was not temporary.  I feel it now more than ever.  Isabel’s incredible strength is going to be with me for every moment of the rest of my life.  While this is a time to mourn and remember our beautiful Isabel, we must know that the days will still come and pass, the seasons will still change, and this wonderful planet we call Earth will still rotate the sun in a vast universe of constant cause and effect.  And we must know that there are always those around us, who deep down at the core truly want to love and be loved.

And most importantly, we have ourselves.  We have the gift of life in a world so full of opportunity.  We have consciousness and the ability to think and act and impact other people in a profound way.  This much is obvious seeing how Isabel gave us so many powerful messages that we will carry with us for the rest of our lives.

And so now it is up to us.  It’s up to us to quit judging other people, to love one another without question, and to live every moment of our lives from here on out with more presence, more vitality, and more strength than ever before.  We need to live on for Isabel and to take every fresh breath of air with a new attitude.  We need to reach out to each other for help, and to love each other for who we really are.

The writing that Isabel has left us from some of her most vulnerable moments is a true blessing.  The strength that she showed the world and herself at the darkest and most difficult times is so powerful. 

The love that she gave to everyone and everything around her was so passionate and sincere. 

May the happy memories of Isabel soon make us smile, and may the photographs capturing her joyful moments soon warm our hearts.  And to Isabel who is surely looking down on all of us right now: we will stay strong.