Stand Up to Stigma, by Annie Whitcomb

This presentation is based on a research paper I wrote for my English class this fall, on the stigma of mental illness. An additional assignment was to turn the paper into a presentation, which has been a good way to spread awareness to my classmates. I am also sharing it on Isabel's blog since it is my way of continuing Isabel's fight against the stigma of mental illness. 

Stand Up to Stigma
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MS8ikimznWw&feature=youtu.be

Memorial Service for Isabel Whitcomb

Memorial Service for Isabel Whitcomb

For anyone who would like to listen to Isabel's memorial service, here is the recording. Faith Jones' most exquisitely beautiful version of "Hallelujah" begins around the 10 minute mark.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAUHMDn9tz0&feature=youtu.be

Eulogies Celebrating Isabel's Life

Eulogies Celebrating Isabel's Life, October 8, 2016

By Susan Carroll Whitcomb, Isabel's mother

My beautiful daughter, Isabel, is gone from our daily lives. I now have two holes in my heart,the first one from losing Isabel’s father, Giles, 13 years ago and now, a new one.

Isabel was such a gifted writer that my own words feel inadequate.

My daughter lost her life as a result of a serious, life-threatening illness. Depression is like cancer, heart disease, diabetes and so many other serious illnesses. Like these diseases, depression can all too frequently kill those who have it. But there is one big difference. No shame is attached to these other illnesses. Depression is stigmatized in our society. Isabel wanted to overcome the stigma surrounding mental illness. Last December, she wrote “Depression is a terrible disease and seems relentless. A lot of us have been close to that edge, or dealt with family members in a crisis, and some have lost friends and loved ones. Let's look out for each other and stop sweeping mental illness under the rug.”

Isabel found her passion in her desire to help others. Now she is gone and although we are in horrible pain, I thank God that she is at peace and looking down on all of us with her Dad beside her. I thank God that we have many memories from her happier days, and that we have the book she wrote along with her poetry and art. While much of these writings chronicle her struggles and pain, her words are profound and wise far beyond the years of her short life.

Today and going forward, I feel compelled to carry on with what Isabel planned to do with her life:  she wanted to speak out about the realities of depression and eating disorders and make a difference in people’s lives. She wanted to educate society and help change how we look at those who are mentally ill. Since she started writing her blog almost one year ago, she received many emails and texts from friends and strangers. I knew about some of these but I have been overwhelmed over the past few days as I have discovered so many more. Here are a few words from one person:  “Isabel, I've been reading your blog ever since your mother shared it on her Facebook wall. I cannot possibly measure how much it has helped me and how much it has changed the way I deal with difficulties of any kind in life. I particularly love your post about dialectical behavior therapy skills. Opposite action, radical acceptance and self-soothing became my new best friends. I lost count of how many times I read that post. I even googled DBT, looking for more skills! That blog entry made me stronger and more in control of my life. I figured I can't possibly predict or change what life will bring, but I can control how I'll deal with it.”

As I move forward with my promise to take over Isabel’s mission – to work to improve services for adolescent psychiatric patients, to educate medical personnel about sensitivities towards those suffering from eating disorders, and to reduce the shame surrounding mental illness, I want to ask you to join me. You can take on Isabel’s mission too, even in very small ways. Please:  if you are struggling, reach out to a friend and ask for help; if you suspect that a friend is struggling, take her hand and be there; educate yourself about depression; change the way you think and speak about the mentally ill; and most of all, let’s be kind to each other.

Isabel wanted to make a difference in this world. I profoundly wish that a glimmer of light had appeared in her final moments of darkness. But together, we are going to carry on her plans.

Finally, two words from Isabel:  Stay Strong.

By Philip Whitcomb, Isabel's brother

On this day, while remembering the beautiful life of my sister Isabel, it’s so hard not to feel sadness and emptiness.  There is a hole in my heart that can never be filled.   There are so many happy memories that trigger sad feelings, and photographs capturing joyful moments that bring tears to my eyes.  Isabel was so uniquely beautiful on the inside and outside that no combination of words could ever do her life justice.  Isabel is no longer physically with us, but her spirit, strength, and passion will be embedded in our lives forever.

Growing up, there was a bond that Isabel and I shared that I can’t quite describe.  We used to joke that we were twins, since we had similar facial features and we found a lot of the same weird things funny.  However, when Isabel smiled, she definitely had way bigger dimples than I do.

The week before Isabel’s death, I had the pleasure of hosting her at my house in Blacksburg, Virginia at Virginia Tech where I’m a student.  The more time I spent with her that week, the more I felt a lot of the little worries in my life start to disappear, and I felt myself being able to see more clearly the things that are actually important in life.  She really had this courageous energy that she was unknowingly sharing with me while I was around her.

I was enjoying my time with Isabel so much that week that I remember waking up some mornings with pure excitement because I was about to spend the next few hours with her.   

I remember sitting down to eat lunch with Isabel in a dining hall, and my intentions were to see if I could help her with any of her ideas and projects and to maybe give her some motivational advice on goal setting.

But after lunch, I was the one who had been positively motivated.  Isabel told me all about her goals whether they were to create a “Stay Strong” temporary tattoo that she would sell and donate the profits of, to speak out to others about mental illness, to write an awesome second book, to start her own To Write Love On Her Arms chapter, or to positively impact people of all kinds.

  

Her ability to work towards her passions while she was going through this severe depression is something that truly amazes me.  That week with Isabel, the week before she passed away, I found myself living with more determination and enjoyment than before.  Just her being there with me had led me to new perceptions of my goals, and a stronger attitude when it comes to fighting through very difficult times.

Isabel wanted to one day become a motivational speaker.  There’s no doubt that she has already provided true motivation to so many people through her writing and her willpower to move forward.  Hearing about the lives of the amazing and strong people that she touched in her short life, I know that she would have risen above and beyond her goals to really make a difference and change the world in a meaningful way.

But the determination that I felt just last week during my time with Isabel was not temporary.  I feel it now more than ever.  Isabel’s incredible strength is going to be with me for every moment of the rest of my life.  While this is a time to mourn and remember our beautiful Isabel, we must know that the days will still come and pass, the seasons will still change, and this wonderful planet we call Earth will still rotate the sun in a vast universe of constant cause and effect.  And we must know that there are always those around us, who deep down at the core truly want to love and be loved.

And most importantly, we have ourselves.  We have the gift of life in a world so full of opportunity.  We have consciousness and the ability to think and act and impact other people in a profound way.  This much is obvious seeing how Isabel gave us so many powerful messages that we will carry with us for the rest of our lives.

And so now it is up to us.  It’s up to us to quit judging other people, to love one another without question, and to live every moment of our lives from here on out with more presence, more vitality, and more strength than ever before.  We need to live on for Isabel and to take every fresh breath of air with a new attitude.  We need to reach out to each other for help, and to love each other for who we really are.

The writing that Isabel has left us from some of her most vulnerable moments is a true blessing.  The strength that she showed the world and herself at the darkest and most difficult times is so powerful. 

The love that she gave to everyone and everything around her was so passionate and sincere. 

May the happy memories of Isabel soon make us smile, and may the photographs capturing her joyful moments soon warm our hearts.  And to Isabel who is surely looking down on all of us right now: we will stay strong.

My Mind

Hey guys,
So in this post, I was going to talk about being afraid and fear, because right now I have a lot of fears. I am afraid. But, I didn’t want to sit here telling you all to not be afraid when I can’t even do that myself these days. Instead, I want to talk about something a lot heavier and much more sinister.
In my blog posts, I try to be completely honest, no matter how tough it is. I don’t want to lie about myself and my life, telling you that everything is fine and recovery is great when it’s not.
As I mentioned in my last post, I recently got out of the hospital after another suicide attempt. I am not proud of it. I am not proud of the hurt I have caused others due to my actions. I am not proud of the tears I have created for others.
I have not talked about this at all in any of my blog posts, but I feel like now is a good time to do so. There is a reason behind my last suicide attempt. Since the spring, I have struggled greatly with both auditory and visual hallucinations. These hallucinations are terrifying, disturbing, and horrific. My treatment team is in the process of trying to figure out what is causing this, and right now, they have concluded that it is due to insomnia.
I apologize for not talking about this beforehand, but it causes a lot of tough emotions to talk about it, as it is a very fragile topic.
 I recently wrote a poem about this:
    My Mind
My mind is like a battlefield.
Thoughts shoot back and forth.
Voices cannonball into my head,
Knocking me to the ground with every blow.
I’m haunted by images that I can’t un-see.
My mind is my friend and my worst enemy.
Telling me lies,
“You aren’t worth it”
“Go kill yourself”
My mind is dark.
I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel,
A tunnel full of my worst nightmares.
Nightmares that bring back the past.
I try to run.
I try to escape.
I try to scream.
But no one can hear me over the voices.
Voices which cause me to try and end it all.
But I can’t.
There is no way to get out of this terrible dream.
Or out of,
My mind.

I am trying to keep moving forwards, but it is tough when it is so dark sometimes.
I will write another post hopefully this week.
Stay strong.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Hey guys,

It has been a very long time since my last post, which I apologize for!

I think the last time I posted, I was in Europe. Europe was so amazing, and I hope to go back there as soon as I can.

I moved into school at High Point University on August 20^th. I was extremely excited, very nervous, and in disbelief that I was going to college, due to my past health issues. I met some amazing people there, and was having a great time. I ended up joining a club there, called To Write Love On Her Arms, which is based on an organization whose main goal is to help stop the silence and stigma that surrounds mental illness. Attending the first meeting of that was an eye opening experience for me. There were so many people there who were also interested in mental health, and people were dedicated to the organization. It was a step in the right direction for me to become a motivational speaker.

Like I said before, I loved High Point University. The people were great there, the faculty was caring, and the classes were pretty interesting. I was handling my eating disorder, and depression well, and I tried to stay as busy as possible. Unfortunately, things started going down hill on the weekend of the 3-4^th. I felt sad, irritated about the mental health system, and hopeless.

On September 5^th, I sat on my bed with a bottle of pills, and a note that said “I am so sorry.” Tears streamed down my face, and after taking the pills, I curled up on my bed and cried. I felt defeated. I felt worthless. I just wanted the pain to end. Ironically, the day of my suicide attempt was the first day of suicide prevention week.

I ended up being admitted to the hospital that day, and was in the emergency room and the cardiac unit, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. For the rest of the week I was in an inpatient Behavioral Health Unit.

You are probably wondering what triggered such a drastic move?

To be totally honest, I am not even sure myself. I have been known to be impulsive, and that was very impulsive. I can’t exactly pin point a reason as to why I did it. I was just done. I did a lot of reflecting while I was in the hospital this past week. I thought about why I wanted to end my life. I thought about my purpose in this world. I thought about what I wanted to do after I got discharged. I learned that the doctors and case workers in the behavioral health unit were terrible. They treated the place like a prison, and were not nice at all. One worker even told me that I would not be a good motional speaker. That really tore me apart, because that is my goal in life. I almost shoved my book down her throat, trying to prove to her that I am capable of changing people’s lives, but I didn’t do that, (I didn’t want to get in trouble and have to stay longer than I had to in the hell hole). Even though that comment was hurtful, it lit a spark in me. I want to show her that I can become a motivational speaker. I want to show her that I can do this. I want to prove to her that I am so much more than my mental illness.

Because of this hospitalization, my doctors and treatment team made the decision that I take the rest of the semester off at High Point, and return in January. Even though I am pretty upset about that, I know that it is the best option for me right now. While I am on medical leave, I will be hopefully volunteering at various facilities. I am trying to organize my own TWLOHA club in my area. Also, I am starting to work on my second book!

I want to end this post by telling everyone out there who has struggled or continue to struggle with mental illness, and have tried to take their own life, that it isn’t too late to change your perspective. I am currently trying to do that myself. Remember, stars can’t shine without darkness.

I will try and post sometime again this week, but in the meantime,

Stay Strong.

Long Time, No See

Hey guys!
Wow, I have not posted in so long. I am very sorry, I have been extremely busy these past few months! But things have died down for now, so hopefully I will be able to post more frequently! A lot has happened since the last time I posted-sorry in advance for the long post.
The first thing I would like to adress, is the book I mentioned in the last post that I was in the process of writing and getting published..it is now available for purchase! I will put the link down below to where you can buy it! All the proceeds will be donateed to the National Eating Disorders Foundation.  I am so incredibly happy for this accomplishment, because it has been a way to share my story with others, and I have had people contact me telling me just how much it has helped them in their own recovery, and how much it has moved them. Thank you to everyone out there who has helped me and supported me through all of this. My dreams are starting to come true!
Next up is graduation and college!! Yes, I successfully got through all the classes, both online and at my school, yes, it was hard and sometimes seemed impossible, but I did it! And, I managed to end up in the top quarter of my class! I am so happy that I finally have a break, where I can relax and wait for college to start! For those of you who don't know, I will be attending High Point University in the fall! It is my dream school, and I am extremely excited to go there..counting down the days till move in!! I have already met some amazing people that are attending HPU also, and I hope this year will be amazing.
A very very tough thing happened to me in the middle of June, probably the hardest thing I have ever been through. My sweet labrador Max, had to be put down. We got Max as a little 6 week old puppy, just a bowling ball full of fur. He was always wagging his tail, loved being around people, and was there to hug when you felt down in the dumps. He lived a long life- and passed away at 12 and a half years old. He was deteriorating, he lost his hearing, and could barely walk on his own due to major artheritis. He was in a lot of pain, and it was a tough decision to put him down, but we decided it was the best decision, because we didn't want him to be in pain. My aunt, my mom, and I all went to be with him during the procedure. My sisters stayed home, because it is a very tough thing to watch happen. When they were putting the medicine in, I started having a major panic attack and was hyperventalating and had to be taken out of the room because I could not breathe. I probably cried non stop for a good 14 hours. I miss him so much and there is not a single day that I don't think about him and wish he was here, but I also do not want him to be in pain. I managed to get through that very well though. I did not act on any negative behaviors, and I have had to use ALOT of radical acceptance.
Finally, I want to talk about my summer so far!
Currently, I am in France. My aunt, who is also my godmother, for my 16th birthday, invited me to travel Europe with her for 4 weeks. We decided that this year would be the best year to do that, so I packed my bags on July 1st, and we have traveled to France and Italy. It has been amazing and I have seen the most beautiful things here. I am a quarter French, and most of my dads' side of the family lives in Europe, including my aunt, who lives in Paris. It was great visiting family, and I have fallen in love with Paris. This is not the first time that I have been in Europe, but this is a trip to remember. The trip has had its ups and downs (mostly ups though!) The "downs" usually stemmed from too many people in one area, which gives me major anxiety. In those situations, I suggest taking deep breaths, because it really does help. Also, I have now brought up the courage to wear bathing suits! That was a big step for me, because I have not felt comfortable in my body for a long time, but I finally have not only accepted the way I look, but I am starting to learn to love myself and my body, and to be respectful to it. To all those people out there who feel uncomfortable with the way they look, it is possible to get to the point of being able to look in the mirror and smile..not cry, and not by starving yourself or by using harmful behaviors either. It takes time, but it is possible. People need to be comfortable and happy with themselves.
Thank you so much to everyone for their support.
Stay Strong!

Link to my book:
https://www.amazon.com/Stay-Strong-Isabel-Whitcomb/dp/1533134960/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

Freshman Orientation

Hey guys!

I am very very very sorry for not having posted in such a long time! Things have just been pretty  busy, and I haven’t been able to find the time. I have been swamped with my online civics and english class, therapy, and school. Not going to lie, it has been very stressful, but I am trying to get through it…so I can graduate, and go to my dream school in August- High Point University!

So I just got back from a one and a half day orientation for the college I am attending in the fall. I fell in love with this college the first time I laid my eyes on it. It is a gorgeous campus, with all sorts of things ranging from fountains, to pools and hot tubs, to classical music that is played around campus. So yesterday, my mom and I made the 1 hour trip up to the school, for the orientation. I was really nervous, because I didn't really know anyone that was going to be there,   and I get a lot of anxiety with many people and loud noises, which both were present throughout my visit there. I guess a lot of the anxiety started when I was in a residential facility, and there were many loud outbursts with a lot of chaos. I managed to get through that obstacle, by using some skills. Taking deep breaths, and stepping away from the crowd for even just a minute, can really help calm the nerves of everything. I like to imagine myself in a place where I feel very happy at, which is at a cabin in California.

The two days (Friday and today) consisted of the following activities:

Friday:

12:30-1:30- check in and passport photo

1:45-2:25- orientation to your major (my major is psychology)

2:35-3:15- student service fair

3:30-4:45- welcome and introduction to the HPU education

5-5:55- small group activities (icebreakers)

6-6:55- dinner

7-8: connecting with my class (more icebreakers…yay)

Saturday:

8-9:30- breakfast

9-10:20- group meeting with success coaches

10:30-11:50- Student 101: preparing for your success in college

There were some optional activities afterwards, including things like campus tours.

After the orientation, I stuck around campus for about an hour to hang out with a friend who is currently attending High Point. She has helped me immensely in the past few months, as she understands a lot of what I have been through. I can’t thank her enough for all that she has done for me. Overall, the orientation was pretty fun, but it was also a little overwhelming. I met so many people, I got to know a lot more about the campus and student life, I found out where I will be living, and I found out my schedule for the fall. I am very excited, and as I look back on the past year, I would have never thought that I would be going to college or frankly, even being here in general. It has been a long and tough journey, but I have been given some amazing opportunities because of it. I am currently writing a memoir, which will be published sometime in May, which is really exciting and something I am proud of!

I hope you have a great rest of your weekend, and I will hopefully post again soon!

Stay strong!

Happy to Be Alive

Hey guys!

Wow, it has been a very long time since I posted last. I have been extremely busy with school, and it has gotten pretty overwhelming. So far, my biggest stressor is in my online Civics class, and I have been really struggling with it and understanding the material.

Other than that, things have been going really well. I have been in a very good mood, and I have been trying to enjoy life as much as possible. I am finally feeling like a normal person, doing normal things like hanging out with friends, spending time with my family, getting back into exercise and doing things that I enjoy. I still have ups and downs, but I am using my DBT skills to cope with those things (flashbacks, eating disorder). Basically, I am trying to live my life to the fullest-because I am very happy to be alive! We all know how much I love to incorporate songs into my blog. The song that I have been listening to a lot recently is “I Lived” by OneRepublic. I believe that this song means that you should actually live, rather than just breathe. Do something spontaneous! Go on an adventure! Try out a new hobby! Life is what you make it, so you should make it great, because you only live once. I feel like I am finally starting to do that with my life. Being close to death with an eating disorder, and having a suicidal past, and now having a healthy mindset has caused me to see things more clearly. I am beyond grateful to be breathing, and I am going to do what I can to make my life as meaningful and memorable as possible.

Lastly, I just wanted to say a huge thank you to all you who are reading my blog, commenting, and showing support! Without you all I may not be able to say that I am happy to be alive. I am amazed by each and everyone of you, and I wanted to share some news: I reached 5,000 views on my blog! Thank you so so much.

Stay Strong!