Guilt, by Annie Whitcomb

Isabel started her blog because she wanted to bring awareness to mental health and let others know that they aren’t alone. She was open and honest and I always found her bravery so inspiring. She wasn’t scared to talk about her worst thoughts and now, I want to carry on that tradition. My last blog post from July 2017 was more positive, talking about how things do get better. While I tell this to other people all the time, my mind often stops me from believing it for myself.

Depression can make you believe things that aren’t actually true. I decided to write a poem about my feelings right now. I know it’s dark but writing these thoughts out and then looking at them, imagining that someone else wrote them, makes the line between what my mind tells me is true and what is really not true, a little clearer. These words are my depression speaking, but that’s not me and hopefully as I continue to work on things, I’ll be able to see this a lot more clearly. Everyone stay strong.

I’m sorry

I should’ve done more, it eats me up at night

staying up so late, in my mind there’s a fight

This guilt is telling me I don’t deserve to see the light

Why should I ever when I treated you so wrong,

not showing enough love, making you feel like you didn’t belong

didn’t do my part to help you stay strong

I’m sorry

Everyone’s telling me you wouldn’t want me to think this way

I want to believe it but these thoughts won’t go away

I know you were hurting so bad but I wish you could’ve stayed

I’m sorry

There’s nothing I can do to change the past now

people saying just focus on the future but I don’t know how

I’m so stuck in my head thinking about what I could’ve done

Mom starting to worry about who I’ve become

self love, motivation, I have none

I’m sorry