Isabel started her blog
because she wanted to bring awareness to mental health and let others know that
they aren’t alone. She was open and honest and I always found her bravery so
inspiring. She wasn’t scared to talk about her worst thoughts and now, I want to carry on that tradition. My last blog post from July 2017 was more positive,
talking about how things do get better. While I tell this to other people all
the time, my mind often stops me from believing it for myself.
Depression can make you believe
things that aren’t actually true. I decided to write a poem about my feelings
right now. I know it’s dark but writing these thoughts out and then looking at
them, imagining that someone else wrote them, makes the line between what my
mind tells me is true and what is really not true, a little clearer. These
words are my depression speaking, but that’s not me and hopefully as I continue
to work on things, I’ll be able to see this a lot more clearly. Everyone stay
strong.
I’m sorry
I should’ve done more,
it eats me up at night
staying up so late, in
my mind there’s a fight
This guilt is telling
me I don’t deserve to see the light
Why should I ever when
I treated you so wrong,
not showing enough
love, making you feel like you didn’t belong
didn’t do my part to
help you stay strong
I’m sorry
Everyone’s telling me
you wouldn’t want me to think this way
I want to believe it
but these thoughts won’t go away
I know you were hurting
so bad but I wish you could’ve stayed
I’m sorry
There’s nothing I can
do to change the past now
people saying just
focus on the future but I don’t know how
I’m so stuck in my head
thinking about what I could’ve done
Mom starting to worry
about who I’ve become
self love, motivation,
I have none
I’m sorry
