Bridge Over Troubled Water

In the summer of 2015, Isabel spent two months outside of Chicago at a residential treatment program for females struggling with depression, eating disorders and/or substance abuse. Never in a million years would I have thought I would send my child so far away for something so serious. Like many parents who find their children in overwhelming situations, we end up making decisions that are incredibly hard and heart-wrenching. And we have no way of knowing if the decision is right or good. With each decision, there is always hope.

By the time Isabel went to Timberline Knolls, she had spent 6 weeks in UNC’s partial hospitalization program for children and adults with eating disorders, followed by two separate inpatient hospitalizations (3 weeks each) for depression and a suicide attempt. With the assistance of her UNC treatment team, we discussed the need for her to spend time in an environment where she could learn more coping skills through dialectical behavior therapy, psychotherapy, and so on. Why Illinois? I can tell you that the first time “TK” was mentioned, I laughed in disbelief at the thought. We considered several other places, and I called and talked to staff and doctors at each of them. I finally looked at TK’s website and was surprised at how I felt a sense of relief. It seemed like one of the few places that wasn’t geared solely to eating disorders, or depression. It seemed more holistic. It was in a beautiful environment with trees and gardens. And Isabel was sold on it because it included animal therapy – plus Demi Lovato had stayed there for several months!

Her time at “TK” wasn’t smooth sailing. As anyone who has read her book knows, she had two inpatient hospitalizations while there, one of which was like a cross between the Shawshank Redemption and One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. And she certainly didn’t come home ready to cope with whatever came her way.

When I arrived at TK the day Isabel was discharged, she was so happy to be coming home. We got into our rental car for the one-hour drive to the airport. Readers of both Isabel’s blog and her book know she loved music and found meaning in the words of her favorite songs. In the car, I played a song for her that held meaning for me and how I felt about her – Bridge Over Troubled Water, by Simon and Garfunkel. Both of us cried all the way to the airport.

I didn’t think much about the song after that summer – until one night a few days ago, I woke up suddenly with the music stuck in my head. I have no idea why. I am trying not to over-analyze this (!) but I like to think that Isabel wants to remind me of the beautiful words of the song and that she wants to dry my tears and ease my mind now.

How are we all doing now? No day or even hour is necessarily the same. One day I might feel okay and the next I’m not. It is pretty much the same for Philip, Genevieve and Annie. Philip just graduated from Virginia Tech and we all found joy in celebrating his accomplishments. Genevieve and Annie are home for the summer from Appalachian State University and have summer jobs. Tears are still very much a part of our lives. We miss Isabel so incredibly much. I’m glad it’s warm outside now and I can wear short sleeves. Reading “stay strong” on my arm provides me with some level of comfort. These are Isabel’s words in her handwriting. Our family’s motto.

Bridge Over Troubled Water

  By Simon and Garfunkel

When you're weary, feeling small

When tears are in your eyes, I'll dry them all

I'm on your side, oh, when times get rough

And friends just can't be found

Like a bridge over troubled water

I will lay me down

Like a bridge over troubled water

I will lay me down

When you're down and out

When you're on the street

When evening falls so hard

I will comfort you

I'll take your part, oh, when darkness comes

And pain is all around

Like a bridge over troubled water

I will lay me down

Like a bridge over troubled water

I will lay me down

Sail on silver girl

Sail on by

Your time has come to shine

All your dreams are on their way

See how they shine

Oh, if you need a friend

I'm sailing right behind

Like a bridge over troubled water

I will ease your mind

Like a bridge over troubled water

I will ease your mind