In the summer of
2015, Isabel spent two months outside of Chicago at a residential treatment
program for females struggling with depression, eating disorders and/or
substance abuse. Never in a million years would I have thought I would send my
child so far away for something so serious. Like many parents who find their
children in overwhelming situations, we end up making decisions that are
incredibly hard and heart-wrenching. And we have no way of knowing if the
decision is right or good. With each decision, there is always hope.
By the time
Isabel went to Timberline Knolls, she had spent 6 weeks in UNC’s partial
hospitalization program for children and adults with eating disorders, followed
by two separate inpatient hospitalizations (3 weeks each) for depression and a
suicide attempt. With the assistance of her UNC treatment team, we discussed
the need for her to spend time in an environment where she could learn more
coping skills through dialectical behavior therapy, psychotherapy, and so on. Why
Illinois? I can tell you that the first time “TK” was mentioned, I laughed in
disbelief at the thought. We considered several other places, and I called and
talked to staff and doctors at each of them. I finally looked at TK’s website
and was surprised at how I felt a sense of relief. It seemed like one of the
few places that wasn’t geared solely to eating disorders, or depression. It
seemed more holistic. It was in a beautiful environment with trees and gardens.
And Isabel was sold on it because it included animal therapy – plus Demi Lovato
had stayed there for several months!
Her time at
“TK” wasn’t smooth sailing. As anyone who has read her book knows, she had two
inpatient hospitalizations while there, one of which was like a cross between
the Shawshank Redemption and One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. And she certainly
didn’t come home ready to cope with whatever came her way.
When I arrived
at TK the day Isabel was discharged, she was so happy to be coming home. We got
into our rental car for the one-hour drive to the airport. Readers of both
Isabel’s blog and her book know she loved music and found meaning in the words
of her favorite songs. In the car, I played a song for her that held meaning
for me and how I felt about her – Bridge Over Troubled Water, by Simon and
Garfunkel. Both of us cried all the way to the airport.
I didn’t think much
about the song after that summer – until one night a few days ago, I woke up
suddenly with the music stuck in my head. I have no idea why. I am trying not
to over-analyze this (!) but I like to think that Isabel wants to remind me of
the beautiful words of the song and that she wants to dry my tears and ease my
mind now.
How are we all
doing now? No day or even hour is necessarily the same. One day I might feel
okay and the next I’m not. It is pretty much the same for Philip, Genevieve and
Annie. Philip just graduated from Virginia Tech and we all found joy in
celebrating his accomplishments. Genevieve and Annie are home for the summer
from Appalachian State University and have summer jobs. Tears are still very
much a part of our lives. We miss Isabel so incredibly much. I’m glad it’s warm
outside now and I can wear short sleeves. Reading “stay strong” on my arm
provides me with some level of comfort. These are Isabel’s words in her
handwriting. Our family’s motto.
Bridge Over
Troubled Water
By Simon and Garfunkel
When you're
weary, feeling small
When tears are
in your eyes, I'll dry them all
I'm on your
side, oh, when times get rough
And friends
just can't be found
Like a bridge
over troubled water
I will lay me
down
Like a bridge
over troubled water
I will lay me
down
When you're
down and out
When you're on
the street
When evening
falls so hard
I will comfort
you
I'll take your
part, oh, when darkness comes
And pain is all
around
Like a bridge over
troubled water
I will lay me
down
Like a bridge
over troubled water
I will lay me
down
Sail on silver
girl
Sail on by
Your time has
come to shine
All your dreams
are on their way
See how they
shine
Oh, if you need
a friend
I'm sailing
right behind
Like a bridge
over troubled water
I will ease
your mind
Like a bridge
over troubled water
I will ease
your mind
