Eulogies Celebrating Isabel's Life, October 8, 2016
By Susan Carroll Whitcomb, Isabel's mother
My beautiful daughter, Isabel, is
gone from our daily lives. I now have two holes in my heart,the first one from
losing Isabel’s father, Giles, 13 years ago and now, a new one.
Isabel was such a gifted writer that
my own words feel inadequate.
My daughter lost her life as a result
of a serious, life-threatening illness. Depression is like cancer, heart
disease, diabetes and so many other serious illnesses. Like these diseases,
depression can all too frequently kill those who have it. But there is one big
difference. No shame is attached to these other illnesses. Depression is
stigmatized in our society. Isabel wanted to overcome the stigma surrounding
mental illness. Last December, she wrote “Depression is a terrible disease and
seems relentless. A lot of us have been close to that edge, or dealt with
family members in a crisis, and some have lost friends and loved ones. Let's
look out for each other and stop sweeping mental illness under the rug.”
Isabel found her passion in her
desire to help others. Now she is gone and although we are in horrible pain, I
thank God that she is at peace and looking down on all of us with her Dad
beside her. I thank God that we have many memories from her happier days, and that
we have the book she wrote along with her poetry and art. While much of these writings
chronicle her struggles and pain, her words are profound and wise far beyond
the years of her short life.
Today and going forward, I feel
compelled to carry on with what Isabel planned to do with her life: she wanted to speak out about the realities
of depression and eating disorders and make a difference in people’s lives. She
wanted to educate society and help change how we look at those who are mentally
ill. Since she started writing her blog almost one year ago, she received many
emails and texts from friends and strangers. I knew about some of these but I
have been overwhelmed over the past few days as I have discovered so many more.
Here are a few words from one person: “Isabel,
I've been reading your blog ever since your mother shared it on her Facebook
wall. I cannot possibly measure how much it has helped me and how much it has
changed the way I deal with difficulties of any kind in life. I particularly
love your post about dialectical behavior therapy skills. Opposite action,
radical acceptance and self-soothing became my new best friends. I lost count
of how many times I read that post. I even googled DBT, looking for more
skills! That blog entry made me stronger and more in control of my life. I
figured I can't possibly predict or change what life will bring, but I can
control how I'll deal with it.”
As I move forward with my promise to
take over Isabel’s mission – to work to improve services for adolescent
psychiatric patients, to educate medical personnel about sensitivities towards
those suffering from eating disorders, and to reduce the shame surrounding
mental illness, I want to ask you to join me. You can take on Isabel’s mission
too, even in very small ways. Please: if
you are struggling, reach out to a friend and ask for help; if you suspect that
a friend is struggling, take her hand and be there; educate yourself about
depression; change the way you think and speak about the mentally ill; and most
of all, let’s be kind to each other.
Isabel wanted to make a difference in
this world. I profoundly wish that a glimmer of light had appeared in her final
moments of darkness. But together, we are going to carry on her plans.
Finally, two words from Isabel: Stay Strong.
By Philip Whitcomb, Isabel's brother
On this day, while
remembering the beautiful life of my sister Isabel, it’s so hard not to feel
sadness and emptiness. There is a hole
in my heart that can never be filled.
There are so many happy memories that trigger sad feelings, and
photographs capturing joyful moments that bring tears to my eyes. Isabel was so uniquely beautiful on the
inside and outside that no combination of words could ever do her life justice. Isabel is no longer physically with us, but
her spirit, strength, and passion will be embedded in our lives forever.
Growing up, there was a bond
that Isabel and I shared that I can’t quite describe. We used to joke that we were twins, since we
had similar facial features and we found a lot of the same weird things funny. However, when Isabel smiled, she definitely
had way bigger dimples than I do.
The week before Isabel’s
death, I had the pleasure of hosting her at my house in Blacksburg, Virginia at
Virginia Tech where I’m a student. The
more time I spent with her that week, the more I felt a lot of the little worries
in my life start to disappear, and I felt myself being able to see more clearly
the things that are actually important in life.
She really had this courageous energy that she was unknowingly sharing
with me while I was around her.
I was enjoying my time with
Isabel so much that week that I remember waking up some mornings with pure
excitement because I was about to spend the next few hours with her.
I remember sitting down to
eat lunch with Isabel in a dining hall, and my intentions were to see if I
could help her with any of her ideas and projects and to maybe give her some
motivational advice on goal setting.
But after lunch, I was the one who had been positively
motivated. Isabel told me all about her
goals whether they were to create a “Stay Strong” temporary tattoo that she would
sell and donate the profits of, to speak out to others about mental illness, to
write an awesome second book, to start her own To Write Love On Her Arms
chapter, or to positively impact people of all kinds.
Her ability to work towards
her passions while she was going through this severe depression is something
that truly amazes me. That week with
Isabel, the week before she passed away, I found myself living with more
determination and enjoyment than before.
Just her being there with me had led me to new perceptions of my goals,
and a stronger attitude when it comes to fighting through very difficult times.
Isabel wanted to one day become
a motivational speaker. There’s no doubt
that she has already provided true motivation to so many people through her
writing and her willpower to move forward.
Hearing about the lives of the amazing and strong people that she
touched in her short life, I know that she would have risen above and beyond her
goals to really make a difference and change the world in a meaningful way.
But the determination that I
felt just last week during my time with Isabel was not temporary. I feel it now more than ever. Isabel’s incredible strength is going to be
with me for every moment of the rest of my life. While this is a time to mourn and remember
our beautiful Isabel, we must know that the days will still come and pass, the
seasons will still change, and this wonderful planet we call Earth will still
rotate the sun in a vast universe of constant cause and effect. And we must know that there are always those
around us, who deep down at the core truly want to love and be loved.
And most importantly, we have
ourselves. We have the gift of life in a
world so full of opportunity. We have
consciousness and the ability to think and act and impact other people in a
profound way. This much is obvious
seeing how Isabel gave us so many powerful messages that we will carry with us
for the rest of our lives.
And so now it is up to us. It’s up to us to quit judging other people,
to love one another without question, and to live every moment of our lives
from here on out with more presence, more vitality, and more strength than ever
before. We need to live on for Isabel
and to take every fresh breath of air with a new attitude. We need to reach out to each other for help,
and to love each other for who we really are.
The writing that Isabel has
left us from some of her most vulnerable moments is a true blessing. The strength that she showed the world and
herself at the darkest and most difficult times is so powerful.
The love that she gave to
everyone and everything around her was so passionate and sincere.
May the happy memories of
Isabel soon make us smile, and may the photographs capturing her joyful moments
soon warm our hearts. And to Isabel who
is surely looking down on all of us right now: we will stay strong.
