What Not to Do

Hey guys! I’m so sorry I haven’t posted anything in a while, I have been really busy with schoolwork and therapy appointments. I guess it’s good for me to stay busy, especially when I am feeling upset. It’s a good way to distract yourself, and it's more productive than sitting there in your thoughts.

So today I want to talk about something that has had a major impact on how I chose to carry myself back when I was engulfed in my anorexia. I had been showing symptoms of anorexia since I was about 10 or 11 years old. I didn't know that I was doing anything eating disorder related then, but it was mostly over-exercising due to a competitive jump rope team that I was on. I had a regular school physical last February, and that's when things kind of escalated. This was both due to the way the doctors reacted when they found out my weight, and how I reacted afterwards. 

Due to depression from a friend's death, I stopped eating. When the doctors pulled up my weight chart on the computer, their mouths dropped to the floor. They told me that if I didn't gain X amount of weight in 2 weeks, my organs were going to start failing. We were all freaking out at that point. Then the whole conversation focused on me gaining weight (not something I would advise doctors to do, especially if they are diagnosing a patient with an eating disorder). They then decided that they would switch my medications, to something which they told me had a side effect of weight gain (again, not something I  recommend telling someone). I was mortified, and when I got home I started to google the new medication, and ran into my mom's room crying because I had read an unreliable article talking about the side effects of the medicine (also, not recommended). For the next couple of months, my whole life was weight related. I had weekly weigh ins, and they would let me see the number on the scale (big mistake). Now, I refuse to look at my weight, and we don’t have a scale at home anymore. 

So the purpose of this post is to inform people, from my personal experiences, about what not to do for both healthcare professionals and patients. If you are someone who has been recently diagnosed with an eating disorder, and you have urges to make impulsive decisions, you need to take a step back, and realize that people are there to help, not hurt. To the health care professionals: there is more to an eating disorder than the physical aspects of it. It affects you mentally, and that should be taken into consideration when you are giving a diagnosis.

I hope everyone has a great week, and I will hopefully post on Sunday!

Stay Strong 

Strong

Hi guys! 

I’m sorry I haven’t posted in a while, I have just been super busy with school. I am currently taking 4 online classes, and 2 classes at school, so it has been a little overwhelming for me. I am sure to a lot of people it seems silly that I am complaining about the two classes I take at school, (creative writing and art). It’s just hard to face a whole bunch of people all at once, and to think back to the bad memories I have had at school due to my depression. Friday was especially hard for me, because I had a tough time dealing with a death. But with some radical acceptance, and opposite action for getting up, I was able to face the day and move forwards. It wasn't so bad after all, and I am glad I went in the end.

So I believe I have mentioned this before, but my main goal in life is to help as many people/ inspire as many people as possible. I have already spoken once to my Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP), for Eating Disorders. I really enjoyed doing that, because it’s a step towards my dream, which is to become a motivational speaker. I was talking to my therapist recently, and she asked if I would be interested in speaking to the program again. I said yes, and we are now in the process of filling out some paperwork to make it happen!

Having an eating disorder is very hard. You basically have your own personal bully that follows you around everywhere you go, calling you all sorts of names. It beat me to the point where I started to self harm, I questioned my life, and attempted suicide-more than once. But I am done letting my anorexia ruin my life. I wrote this poem the other day:

I Am Strong

Get out of my life.

Your words broke me.

You were the source of the cuts on my arms,

Of the bottle of pills held in my hands,

You beat me so badly, 

Calling me names,

Yet I have believed them.

Thinner and thinner I got, 

I followed your rules.

You used to control me.

I sat there, 

Salty tears fell from my sunken eyes.

I’ve had enough of you.

I have anorexia but I am not weak,

I am not a slave to my disorder.

So get out of my life, 

For I am done listening to you.

I am going to stand up for myself.

I’m the one calling the shots.

No longer will I hate myself so much.

Get out of my life,

For I may have anorexia,

But I am a survivor,

And I am strong.

The message I want to portray through this post, is that your eating disorder DOES NOT control you. I may have anorexia, but I am strong- and so are you.

Stay strong